


Ready to Love

by goldieslove



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 11:40:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15436263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldieslove/pseuds/goldieslove
Summary: They fell in love and committed before they're ready. It took them years to bear the consequences.





	Ready to Love

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt writing bongbeom angst which I find really hard since they're so cute and fluffy.

It’s a lie. 

Characters in dramas who say “I love you I can’t live without you. I will die without you” are lying.

You definitely can live. It’s just you’ll live a painful and empty life.

Jaehyun felt the pain starting to fade bit by bit. He didn’t cry every night anymore, he didn’t think of his ex every night and day. His heart didn’t feel really hurt like knife stabbed right through it when thinking of him again.

But the scar was still there. It would always be there. And sometimes he could feel a dull pain when he remembered past memories.

There were some guys trying to get to know him. Some guys made him interested too, but no one made his heart flutter like him. None of them could make him feel comfortable and happy like him. He couldn’t stop himself comparing those guys with him. His ex was always better. Probably it’s true that first love will never die. Will he probably live alone for the rest of his life?

Sometimes he thought about his ex finding a new partner, and the thought broke him a little. He couldn’t deny he still loved him. Thinking that his ex loved someone new made his heart hurt and it made him feel worthless.

But life kept on going. No matter how painful it is, life forced you to face a new day. No time to wallow in self pity.

“Jaehyun! You come!”

Jaehyun spotted a running figure and pursed his lips. “Ya, Donghyun! How are you so shameless? You even threatened me to come. How can’t I come? And you’re even late!”

Donghyun grinned innocently. “Come on, Jaehyun, please do me a favor. Joochan will bring his friend too, it’ll be fun.”

“You know I’m not good at socializing,” Jaehyun sighed. “Why should I sacrifice my Saturday evening with you and some strangers. I was going to binge watch some movies tonight.”

Donghyun clicked his tongue. “Stop being an antisocial mole. And one of the strangers will become your friend because he’ll be your friend’s boyfriend.”

“Really?” Jaehyun suddenly wanted to tease Donghyun. “Are you sure he wants to be your boyfriend?”

He laughed when he saw Donghyun’s pout. 

“Why are you so mean?”

“I’m just kidding! Stop pouting! You look ugly.”

Donghyun playfully shoved him and they continued to bicker while entering the restaurant.

“Just please contain yourself and don’t flirt too much?”

“Why? So you won’t be envious?”

“Jerk.”

Donghyun laughed and Jaehyun watched his friend in amusement. He’d been friends with Donghyun for quite a long time. They’re the youngest in the company who were born in the same year and they immediately clicked with each other. Donghyun was a serious guy but he laughed easily. But this time, as Jaehyun observed, Donghyun looked glowing and in ease. He swore just a while ago Donghyun bounced when he walked. Maybe because he’s in love? There’s a bit of nervousness behind that smile that made Jaehyun smile too. It made him remember old times. Yes, maybe he envied Donghyun.

“It’s about time for you to find someone. I hope it works out well between you two.”

Donghyun blinked, totally surprised with his friend’s sudden kind comment. Once the shock dissipated, he smiled. “Thanks, dude. You too…” He paused for a while. “Hope you’ll find someone better soon.”

“You know, maybe you’ll like Joochan’s friend,” Donghyun suddenly became excited. “I heard he had through similar situation with you and has been single since then. Maybe.. maybe he’s the one for you!”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Is this why you asked me to come with you? You should worry about yourself first, Donghyun. And do you actually think just because we’ve experienced similar situation, we’ll match with each other?”

“That’s not what I mean. The most important part is that you’re single and he’s single. Joochan said he’s a good guy. If Joochan says he’s good, then he’s good.”

Jaehyun frowned. “Donghyun, you didn’t-“

“Donghyun!”

He had never finished his words because apparently Joochan and his friend had arrived.

“Joochan, you’re here!”

Jaehyun looked up to see the newcomers and saw a petite charming guy with blond hair. From the first impression, the guy had a cute smile. Joochan was attractive and kind looking, no wonder Donghyun is whipped. But then his eyes moved to Joochan’s friend, whose eyes were staring back at him darkly.

Jaehyun suddenly felt the world stop moving.

*****

“Hi, you must be Donghyun’s friend, Jaehyun.”

He couldn’t think straight, but he had to compose himself. It’s Donghyun’s date. He couldn’t ruin it. It’s not helping that he’s sitting right opposite of the guy who hadn’t stopped staring at him. He forced a smile.

“Yeah. Nice to meet you. Donghyun told me a lot of thing about you.”

Donghyun elbowed him, muttering something he couldn’t really hear, but Joochan grinned. “Nice to meet you too. I hope he only tell you good things.”

“Yeah, everything he says about you is good.”

Joochan talked with excitement and it eased Jaehyun a bit although he still felt nerve wrecked because of Joochan’s friend. Joochan beamed at Donghyun before suddenly he realized he hadn’t introduced his friend.

“Oh yeah, he’s my friend, Kim Jibeom. We work together in programming team. Jibeom, this is Donghyun and his friend Jaehyun.”

Everybody would be able to tell that Jibeom looked hesitant and in distress. Joochan nudged him a bit because Jibeom was awfully quiet. Donghyun’s face showed confusion as well. Jaehyun thought he needed to do something.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Jaehyun.”

Jibeom snapped his head towards him with mouth slightly open. “E-Excuse me?”

It was quite awkward but Joochan suddenly laughed and slapped Jibeom’s shoulder. “What’s wrong with you? You’re not usually quiet like this. Got smitten huh?”

Jaehyun’s face turned red, as well as Jibeom.

“What? Joo!” Jibeom hissed. “What are you-“

“Hahaha, not surprised, it’s not the first time Jaehyun makes guys smitten.”

Jaehyun kicked Donghyun’s leg under the table. Hopefully Donghyun got the message and not put him in more awkward situation.

“Nice to meet you, Jibeom,” Donghyun beamed. 

Jibeom looked speechless. His eyes darted from Donghyun and Jaehyun before it lingered in Jaehyun’s for a while. Jaehyun tried to avoid eye contact by looking down.

“Nice to meet you too.” He heard Jibeom said quietly.

The next moment was a bit awkward because Joochan and Donghyun were busy talking with each other and practically ignoring Jibeom and Jaehyun. Jaehyun tried to make himself busy by looking at the menu even after they’ve finished ordering, and fiddling with his phone. Donghyun and Joochan talked about their friends in university (They apparently attended the same university but didn’t know each other until a year ago during some reunion), so Jaehyun was clueless about the topic and couldn’t join the conversation.

“So, how long you guys have known each other?” At one point, Joochan asked Jaehyun.

“Oh.. I think it’s around… 4 years ago?”

“Yeah it’s around Chuseok 4 years ago,” Donghyun piped up. “Remember I came back from holiday in Guam and got everyone fridge magnet but you didn’t get one because I didn’t know there’s new employee?”

Jaehyun smiled at the memory. “Yeah, and you gave me a cookie instead. He’s so kind,” He told Joochan while side eyeing Donghyun. 

“Donghyunnie is always kind,” Joochan said fondly, and Jaehyun suppressed a laugh watching Donghyun’s ears turned scarlet.

“We’ve known each other for 4 years, but 2 years ago our company sent Jaehyun to US for 2 years and he just got back here around 3 months ago,” Donghyun suddenly changed topic to avoid the embarrassment.

“You went to US?”

Everybody turned their eyes to Jibeom who suddenly join in the conversation. Jaehyun suddenly felt uneasy at how Jibeom directly look at him in the eyes and asked him question.

“Y-Yes.”

“Jaehyun’s english is the best in the team so boss chose him,” Donghyun informed, nudging Jaehyun’s arm. “And he readily agreed.”

“Oh that’s awesome!” Joochan exclaimed. “You should teach Jibeom. He always makes mistakes. Last time he wrote ‘sprite’ instead of ‘stripe’.”

Donghyun laughed. “English is hard,” He said, sympathizing Jibeom. “How about you? Have you known each other for long?”

“We’ve only known each other since 2 years ago. Our company merged and we became a team. Right, Jibeom?”

“Uh.. Yeah… Um, excuse me, I’ll go to toilet for a while.”

With that, Jibeom abruptly stood up and left.

“Jibeom is acting strange today,” Joochan frowned. “He’s usually pretty loud and talkative. Sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable, Jaehyun.”

“O.. Yeah, no problem at all. Maybe he’s not feeling well?”

“Probably..,” Joochan mumbled. 

“Is it possible that he’s offended because of your joke?” Donghyun asked in worry. “Maybe you should follow him and apologize.”

“Nah.. I know Jibeom, he won’t get angry over things like that. We even joked a lot of times about it before.”

Jaehyun turned his head to the direction of the restroom, but Jibeom had disappeared. He sighed, it’s so awkward. 

It’s not long until Donghyun and Joochan started to have other conversation about their former school, but Jaehyun could only hear them briefly. His head was still occupied by Jibeom who had been acting strange. It’s funny that he felt awkward when Jibeom was sitting right in front of him, and now when Jibeom’s away, he felt empty. What took him so long by the way?

“Ah, but Jaehyun,” Suddenly Joochan said. “Have we probably meet before?”

Jaehyun tilted his head to the side. “I don’t think so,” He slowly answers while trying to remember.

“Ah is that so,” Joochan good naturedly laughed. “I just think your face is familiar. I think I’ve met you before, but I can’t remember when and where.”

“Ahh, you must be mistaken. I’m sure we’ve never met before.”

“It’s really strange. Maybe we attend same university?”

“No, Jaehyun attended Ulsan University,” Donghyun answered for him. “He’s from Ulsan.”

“Oh, Ulsan! Jibeom is from Ulsan too!”

Jaehyun stiffened.

“Oh, I probably saw you in Jibeom’s university photos. So you haven’t seen Jibeom before? We’re all same age friends right?

“Oh yeah… I- I’m not sure I-“

“Just stop the lie, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun felt his heart drop. They were too immersed talking that they didn’t realize Jibeom had come back. Jibeom kept on staring at him as he sit back down. His face looked weary as he sighed.

“Let’s just tell them the truth. What’s the point of hiding it,” He said to Jaehyun as if they’re alone in the restaurant.

“Jibeom, what do you mean?” Joochan asked in hesitation after a few seconds of silence. “What do you mean the truth?”

On his side, Donghyun was watching with wide eyes.

“Jaehyun, what happened?”

Jaehyon looked at Joochan and Donghyun’s anxious face, and finally his gaze landed on Jibeom. He tried to read him through his eyes but all he could see his determination. Feeling cornered, Jaehyun takes a deep exhale. It wasn’t his intention to lie. It just came out from his mouth. Now that Jibeom exposed him, he couldn’t hide it anymore.

“Jibeom.. is actually… my ex husband.”

*****

_Five years ago_

The last item had been placed safely inside the box. It was a black framed photo taken a few hours after they registered their marriage. They were wearing nice suits and smiling happily like the world was theirs alone, like nothing could harm them.

Jaehyun smiled bitterly. If only he knew.

His feeling was in chaos. He was so sure about this. Heartbroken, but sure. But right now, he felt the urge to run back to Jibeom and ask for reconciliation. Why did they fight again. When he recalled about it, he felt stupid for fighting over small things. He could have just been more patient, more accepting. But it was too late to regret.

Thinking about his husband, it broke him again at how easily Jibeom decided to file for divorce. When Jibeom said ‘divorce’, he felt like his world stopped. He didn’t want to.. But he was so angry about everything and he had pride to keep. If Jibeom couldn’t stand him anymore, there’s nothing he could do. He knew sometimes he’s being too childish, too demanding. Maybe he’s just too confident that Jibeom loved him too much and would tolerate him at any cost. He’s selfish. Jibeom deserved better than him.

A drop of tear running down on his cheek and he immediately wiped it off. He’d actually been waiting for Jibeom to come back and change his decision. But it never happened. His husband had been tired of him, had had enough of him. It hurt.

A ‘bip’ sound signaling a message came and Jaehyun opened it right away. His brother, Bomin, said he’ll arrive in 10 minutes. 

Jaehyun looked at his surrounding. They had shared many memories in this room. The bed where he used to cuddle with his husband before sleep, the TV which they used to watch dramas, the cushion they bought together after arguing for a long time to decide the color. It strangely felt foreign for him. He hadn’t been sleeping here since 2 months ago, ever since Jibeom submitted divorce paper. The situation was very bad back then. They were fuming. Every little thing has became the cause of arguments. At least now they can think and converse calmly.

He had brought a lot of things when he went back to stay with his parents in Ulsan. There were only 2 boxes left. Now his divorce paper had been finalized. It’s time to say goodbye to this house.

After making a last glance at his former room, he took the box and walked out. Jibeom was waiting for him, sitting on the sofa, intertwining his fingers and staring at the floor like it’s offending him. Jaehyun felt guilty. Jibeom had been a cheerful person, and he had made him through hard times like this, losing the beautiful smile..

“Bomin will be here in a few minutes.”

Jibeom snapped his head up, meeting his eyes for a bit before the gaze landed on the box.

“I see..”

It’s sad to see Jibeom become quiet like this.

Jaehyun walked to the door where he put his other box of belongings, and put the box he’s holding on top of it. He then reached inside his pocket and took out a set of key. The metal chain hanging loosely on his palm. It’s similar with Jibeom’s key chain, only in different color. He debated with himself whether he should take the chain off, but finally decided against it. It’s Jibeom’s, it’s up to him what he’ll do with it.

“I should have returned it back to you when I left. Here.”

Jibeom sighed heavily and took the key. Jaehyun felt like half of him shattered once he couldn’t feel the metal on his palm.

“I’m sorry.”

The word hurt him. But it’s partly his fault anyway. Jibeom was a good and patient guy. Even after they decided to file for divorce, when they’re in cold war, it was Jibeom to approach him first, discussing about the things they have to do next, and he’s so accommodating. Jibeom was probably feeling sorry when he actually didn’t need to. Sometimes it made him detest himself. He questioned himself how awful he had became that the patient Jibeom finally snapped at him.

“Don’t be. It’s me who should be sorry for not being able to be a good partner for you,” Jaehyun said, his throat suddenly feel squeezed. “I hope you find a better person.”

“Jaehyun..”

Thankfully, his phone rang before Jibeom can say anything else. He hurriedly picked it up to save him from awkwardness.

_Hyung, I’m waiting outside._

“I’ll come out in a second, Bomin.”

Jibeom is watching him closely, sending an unreadable gaze, making him a bit uneasy. He was Jaehyun’s best friend before being his boyfriend and finally became his husband. It’s pitiful it has to end like this. He didn’t only lose his husband. He’d lost his best friend as well.

“I’m leaving now.”

“I’ll help you,” Jibeom quickly reached out for the box. He froze for a while when he spotted their wedding picture on the slightly open box.

“This..”

“I’ll take this one,” Jaehyun took the box over and quickly opened the front door.

Bomin was waiting outside in front of the car. He and Jibeom exchanged polite nod before Bomin unlocked the car and opened the trunk. Jibeom put the box inside carefully and insisted to take the box in Jaehyun’s hand and put it beside the car as well.

Once he’s finished, Bomin shut the trunk close and turned to face Jibeom

“I’ll see you around, hyung,” Bomin said awkwardly. The kid was close with Jibeom. But their relationship had become awkward because of the divorce.

Jibeom patted Bomin’s shoulder lightly. “Take care, Bomin-ah. Take care of your hyung too.”

Bomin nodded, his expression looked sullen. Bomin glanced at his brother hesitantly. “I’ll leave you two to talk.”

They both waited until Bomin sat behind the wheel and turned on the car engine.

“I guess it’s goodbye.”

It’s funny that he’s the one being talkative now. He’s always been the quiet one. 

“Take care, Jaehyun-ah..,” Jibeom looked like debating with himself before adding, “You can contact me anytime if you need something.”

It’s only polite words, he knew. They were best friends, but after all of this, he’s not sure they can be friends. It’ll be awkward. He nodded nonetheless. 

“Thank you.. and goodbye.”

He looked at Jibeom’s face for the last time. It might be his last chance to see him. Sadly, Jibeom’s not smiling at him right now. It would be good it his last memory of Jibeom was Jibeom smiling at him. He’s been hoping too much. He turned around and get into the car. 

He could sense Bomin looked at him butt he pretended to be busy with seatbelt. As if understand what he wanted, Bomin wordlessly stepped on the gas and they’re moving.

Jaehyun couldn’t help but watching Jibeom from the rear mirror. The man was standing unmoving on his spot, watching their car leaving. When they turn right, Jibeom was out of view, he sighed heavily.

He took out his wedding ring he kept in his chest pocket. Twirling the metal with his fingers, he could see Jibeom’s name engraved inside.

“You okay, hyung?”

Jaehyun felt something stuck in his throat. He swallowed hard and tried to control his emotion. Making Bomin worry was the last thing he want. He’s just 1 year older, but he wanted to be a reliable hyung. He wanted to look strong. He clenched around the ring and forced a smile.

“I’m okay, Bomin-ah.. Just can’t believe I got married at 22 and divorce at 24.”

He chuckled, but as expected, Bomin won’t be fooled. The younger man reached out to squeeze his hand comfortingly.

“Everything will be okay, hyung. Time will heal everything.”

He squeezed Bomin’s hand back and smiled. 

_Yes, everything will be okay… Hopefully._

*****

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Donghyun whispered urgently once they passed through the restaurant front door. Joochan and Jibeom insisted they’re paying so they’re still inside the restaurant. Donghyun used the chance to corner him.

“Oh my god, Jaehyun! What were you thinking pretending not to know him? That’s why he’s acting strange! I can’t believe you!”

“I was surprised okay!” He snapped in frustration. “I didn’t think I’ll see him again and then he came with your date and I didn’t know what to do.”

Donghyun was looking at him in silence as he poured his heart out.

“I can’t just say right away he’s my ex husband and make things awkward in your date.”

Donghyun gasped. “Jaehyun! How can you think like that? Who cares about my date? And how can I be fine that you had to sit there, tortured, just to save my date?”

“Donghyun..”

“I’m sorry to put you in this situation.”

Jaehyun shook his head and grimly said, “Sorry your date have to end early because of this.”

Donghyun patted his back and smiled weakly. “Doesn’t matter, we still have a lot of chance to date”

“I still don’t get it why would you bring friends to date,” Jaehyun frowned. “You talked just fine with Joochan. You even practically ignored me.”

“Come on.. I want Joochan to meet my best friend, and I want to know his friend too. This is why we arranged this.”

At that time, the restaurant door suddenly opened and a group of customers stepped out. It suddenly reminded Jaehyun of his ex husband. He suddenly had slight panic.

“Donghyun, I’d better leave now. Tell Joochan sorry I have to leave early.”

Donghyun held his arm before he can run away. “Wait.. You’re going to leave? Just like that?”

“I don’t think I can handle meeting Jibeom again, I should leave before he comes.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Donghyun asked in worry. “I can walk you home.”

“What? No-“

It’s too late to run away. Joochan and Jibeom stepped out from the restaurant and immediately saw him and Donghyun. Jaehyun immediately looked away from Jibeom.

“Is everything alright?” Joochan’s tenor voice sounded cheerful but there was hesitation on his face.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Donghyun answered for them. “It’s just Jaehyun has to leave now.”

“Oh, you’re leaving now?” Joochan glanced at Jibeom for a while before staring back at Jaehyun.

“Yeah. I have to.. ermm… I mean…”

Jaehyun felt his face turn hot. It was so sudden and he was in panic he couldn’t think of any excuse.

“Jaehyun, can we talk for a while?”

This time, Jibeom decided to speak up. Jibeom’s stare looked intimidating, and although before this he always longed to meet Jibeom, he didn’t think he’s ready for this. What else to be talked about. He felt that the more they talk, the more old wound will open. He didn’t want to get hurt again.

“I have to go now,” He raked his brain to think of any excuse. “Bongji.. I forget to put some food on her bowl.”

Lame excuse.

Joochan tilted his head. “Bongji?”

“Then let me walk you home.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea-“

“Please.”

His resolution crumbled as Jibeom sent him a pleading look. Donghyun was anxiously watching but gave him a nod while Joochan looked clueless as ever. He didn’t want to make commotion especially many people were passing by. With heavy heart, he sighed and nodded.

*****

Jaehyun didn’t want Jibeom to know his recent residence. But he lied that he had to feed Bongji, and he thought it would be best if they talk in private place, just in case conversation get heated. Or in case he feels like breaking down..

He quietly unlocked the door and went in, leaving the door open for Jibeom. They didn’t talk at all when on their walk back into his house. He didn’t know why Jibeom didn’t talk at all. He also didn’t have courage to open a conversation. It’s awkward to the point that every second felt like an hour. That’s why he felt so relieved when they arrived.

Bongji ran out from kitchen and barked cutely as he took off his shoes. He automatically smiled.

“Hey sweety.”

He chuckled as Bongji excitedly wagging his tail and sniffed his legs. He was about to reach out to pat Bongji when the dog suddenly ran away and barked as she sensed a stranger behind his master.

Jibeom awkwardly stepped in. Bongji observed Jibeom in caution, but a few seconds later she ran to Jibeom, standing on his 2 hind legs in excitement, trying to reach up.

“You remember me, kiddo.”

Jibeom laughed happily and picked Bongji up. The dog barked excitedly trying to lick Jibeom’s face. “Hey, hold up! You’ll wet my face!” Jibeom laughed.

Jaehyun felt his heart twisted as he saw Jibeom and Bongji played with each other. Felt like old times.

He looked away and busied himself by taking out his coat and washing his hands. Good thing that Bongji’s bowl was empty and he refilled it. He should give her reward for reducing the tension between him and Jibeom. As expected, once Bongji heard the sound of dog food hitting the bowl, she jumped from Jibeom’s arms and devoured the food like she’s famished. Jaehyun shook his head fondly. 

His smile faded as he heard Jibeom stepped closer. 

“Sit down,” He gestured to the sofa. “Do you want.. something to drink?”

“No.. it’s fine.”

He chose the farthest spot from Jibeom to sit. 

“So.. what do you want to talk about?”

Jibeom looked awkward as well. The man sitting straight nut his hands were playing with the strands of his ripped jeans. It was a habit when he’s feeling nervous.

“How are you?” Jibeom finally asked after awhile.

“It’s fine,” He answered shortly. It’s partly true. He’s still in healing process, but he’s fine.. He lived.

Jibeom slowly nodded. “I’m glad.. You.. seem to be well.. But thinner.”

“Yeah.. I worked out now.”

“I see.. That’s good.. That’s good.”

Jibeom seemed lost in his thought. It’s like he’s trying hard to say what’s in his mind.

“I didn’t know you went to US,” Jibeom abruptly changed the topic. “I didn’t hear a single thing about it.”

Jaehyun rubbed his nape. “Yeah, it’s… It’s so sudden and I was busy preparing to leave..”

“You didn’t tell me.”

Jibeom’s voice was quiet. It didn’t sound like accusation, but only a statement. He sighed.

“Why should I tell you?”

Jibeom kept quiet, and Jaehyun could feel his heart starting to race. Somehow there’s anger inside. Anger that Jibeom threw him away, and now came back like nothing happened.

“I looked for you.”

“Why?”

“… I miss you.”

What was that? He didn’t expect Jibeom to say that. He should stop saying things like that. It’s not good for his heart.

“JIbeom..”

“I didn’t expect you to just disappear, Jaehyun,” Jibeom argued. “I thought we still can meet.. as friends.”

Jaehyun ran his hand through his hair. Why didn’t Jibeom get it? It made him frustrated.

“It’s not that simple, Jibeom! We were best friends turned lover. We lived together, we slept together, we kissed, we fought. Do you really think we can be friends like before after all what happened to us? I don’t know, maybe some people can do it, but I can’t, Jibeom,” Jaehyun swallowed hard. “I can’t be your best friend again. Maybe later in the future, but now.. not yet.”

There was pregnant silence after he said those words. Jaehyun bit his lips, his heart was still thumping heart. He still loved Jibeom, he still wanted to be with Jibeom, even as friend. But at the same time, he knew he can’t. 

“I hurt you deeply, didn’t I?” Jibeom smiled sadly. 

“We were young,” Jaehyun answered. “We were not ready to get married. But we’re naïve and thought as long as we love each other, it will be okay.”

“Yes we were,” Jibeom agreed. “Maybe, if we didn’t rush the marriage, we’ll still be okay.”

Jaehyun didn’t want to think about ‘what if’s. It made him regretting things he can’t undone. It made him angry of himself. He turned his face away, looking at Bongji who’s licking his bowl clean. As if she knows that her owner looking at him, Bongji looked up and walked to Jaehyun’s side before jumping into his lap. Jaehyun cradled Bongji and lovingly scratched the are behind her ears, making her purred in satisfaction and closed her eyes. Thankfully he had Bongji. 

“Joochan seems like a good friend,” He said out of the blue.

“Not as good as you.”

Jaehyun’s hand froze. Bongji let out a small whine and he cradled her again.

“What do you want, Jibeom?” He asked tiredly. “I’m not sure where this conversation is heading.”

Jibeom sighed deeply, “I want to apologize, Jaehyun. For taking you for granted. I wanted you by my side, I wanted you to be mine, while in the other hand I also wanted to be free to do whatever I want.”

“After you left.. It feels strange. I was free, but I’m not happy. I went to play with my friends, we drank, we went to karaoke, we went for a trip. But once I went back home, there’s nothing. It’s numb. No one’s waiting for me, no one nagged me for drinking, from going back home late.. That’s when I realized, you probably felt the same loneliness when I left you to have my own fun. I wanted you to be there for me, but I was never there for you. I’m sorry, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun could felt prickling feeling on his eyes as it got watery. It was exactly what he felt. As an introvert, he depended a lot on Jibeom, especially after they left their hometown together to pursue better career in Seoul. It was hard for him to adjust, and Jibeom was his only anchor. On the other hand, Jibeom made a lot of good friends from his workplace. He felt the extreme loneliness whenever Jibeom hang out with his friends and coworkers, leaving him alone in their house. He wanted Jibeom to be there for him so he nagged, he often forbid Jibeom to go out, and got angry whenever Jibeom went out secretly even though knew Jibeom secretly went out because he forbid him. His difficulties to adjust made him unstable and easily got angry over other things even the smallest one.

“Jibeom, stop it. We both had our own share of fault.”

“It might sound like a half ass apology, but I had been wanting to say this years ago, believe me. It’s just I can’t reached you. I looked for you everywhere, but you’re like… disappeared. I even went to your house-“

“You went to my house?”

“Yeah, but your dad almost kicked my ass and throw me out,” Jibeom chuckled to himself. “I deserved it though. And Bomin also didn’t want to say anything. No one knew or want to tell me where you are.”

“Jibeom.. They didn’t tell me..”

“That when I realized how I must have hurt you so badly. Your family must have known your pain that they refused to tell me where you were.”

“It was hard for me,” Jaehyun admitted. “We’re best friends since forever and our old friends always asked about you whenever I met them. Everytime they asked I had to tell them that we have broken up. It’s painful to always be reminded of that, especially I have to say it with my own mouth. I’m tired of their concern and pitiful gaze. So.. I tried to distance myself from them. I changed work, move to other area far from home. And when the company asked me to temporarily moved to US, I was nothing but glad. It was a good opportunity to leave all of this. I just want to forget and heal, Jibeom.”

“Have you?” Jibeom asked. “Have you forgotten and healed?”

Jaehyun looked away and shrugged. “It’s not that easy.”

“Was there… Is there somebody else after me?”

“I wish I have,” Jaehyun answered quietly after a while. When he looked up to his ex husband, he saw the other was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

Jibeom didn’t say anything. Instead, the man grabbed the necklace he’s wearing pulling out the pendant. The platinum gold chain was twinkling under the lamp. But what made Jaehyun surprised was the pendant. The familiar ring he also had.

Jibeom held the ring with his finger, caressing gently.

“Somehow I can’t stay away from this,” He said, still looking at the ring. “I felt something’s missing when I took it off. And since I can’t wear it on my finger anymore… Jaehyun.. Can we start over again?” 

The sudden question really threw Jaehyun out off guard.

“W-what?”

Jibeom moved closer to his side but still left a space between them. “Jaehyun, I was sure to ask you for marriage back then, but now I’m even more sure that you’re really the one for me. You may think that I’m too shameless to say this after what I have done. But I really regret what had happened in the past. Whenever I look back, I questioned myself why sis we have to fight? Why did I get angry over small things? Why I can’t try to be more understanding? Waves of regret just won’t stop coming. I realized, I need you to be by my side. The last few years was crazy, it’s like hell. Especially when I thought I won’t see you again ever. And when I got car accident and I thought I was going to die-“

Jaehyun gasped at the information. “Jibeom! What?”

“I swore, if I have a chance to see you again, I will ask you to be mine again. I want to make it up to you. That is.. if you let me.”

“Wait.. Jibeom, what car accident are you talking about? What happened?”

The thought of Jibeom dying in an accident suddenly made him anxious and momentarily forgot all the other problem.

“Jaehyun, it’s fine.. Just a car accident.”

“You said you’re dying!”

“It was years ago, I’m perfectly healed,” Jibeom said rather impatiently. “And that’s not the problem here. Can we go back to the topic please?”

Jaehyun felt the panic slowly faded away and he’s brought back in reality.

“I.. I don’t know, Jibeom.”

He saw Jibeom’s shoulders slumped. He wanted to be Jibeom. Like the man said, he was so sure Jibeom was the one. Being with Jibeom was so naturally made him happy. Even if they’re locked inside an empty room, if he’s with Jibeom, he’s confident he can pass the time enjoyably. He can talk about anything with Jibeom without feeling shy awkward, he can show and express his weakness to Jibeom without feeling being judged, and he can tell his worries to Jibeom and the other would make him feel better afterwards. Jibeom had been a part of his life that made him happy. 

But he still could remember the pain when Jibeom yelled at him. And it hurt him a lot. He knew Jibeom, he know he’s a good guy, too good even. But would Jibeom can accept his weaknesses? Could he tolerate his flaws? Would Jibeom change in the future? Their fight and divorce had left a huge scar that made him weary and afraid. He didn’t want to get hurt again. 

Then suddenly he remembered Jibeom said about car accident, and he felt the dread thinking what if something happened to Jibeom. What if he can’t see Jibeom anymore while their relationship is in crack like this. The regret would be too much to bear. Should he take the risk?

“Jaehyun,” Jibeom called softly. “Can we at least try? We can patch things up slowly.”

His heart fluttered. He wanted to.. But..

“Jibeom, are you sure? What if you change your mind later and regret this? We couldn’t stand each other before, it’s possible to happen again. I don’t want to go through the same thing twice.”

This time, Jibeom took his hands and gave him assuring squeeze. It felt weird, nicely weird when their hands touched, and Jaehyun could only stare at their clasped hands. Was it real?

“I still love you, Jaehyun, and I’m sure of it. And if you still love me too, even if it’s just a little.. Let’s give us another chance hm? I learned my mistakes and I experienced how hard it is without you. I’ll keep that in mind, I’ll make it up to you. Please let me make you happy?”

“What if you’re unhappy because of me?”

“After what had happened, Jaehyun, I feel like I’ll be happy even by your presence. We’ve been friends for years, never once you failed to make me happy. We fought because we’re not ready. But I’m ready. I’m more than ready now.”  
Jibeom was too close. Jaehyun could smell his perfume, he could feel his body heat, he could see every single eyelash, and when he saw Jibeom’s eyes, he could see their future together. It was enough for him to make the decision.

*****

Jaehyun sighed in content as his butt landed on the soft sofa. He’d put the DVD into the player, and almost all the lights were turned off creating atmosphere like he’s inside the theater. His eyes never left the TV screen as his left hand reached over a bag of popcorn and put is on his lap. The screen was still showing advertisement, but he’s already munching the popcorn. He had a big bottle of cola and water on his side as well, and there’s a tube of ice cream inside the freezer, ready to be eaten once he finish the popcorn. 

It’ll be a perfect Saturday movie night.

It was around 10 minutes after the movie started when he heard the sound of the bedroom door closing and footsteps approaching. Suddenly he had a bad feeling. From the corner of his eyes, he saw a figure wearing black and white stripe shirt and jeans came closer and sat beside him. In instinct, he held the popcorn bag tighter and inched further from the newcomer.

It didn’t stop the intruder to take a fistful of popcorn. Jaehyun in instinct held the bag protectively and covered it with his hands. Still, his popcorn was involuntary taken away. Again and again.

Finally he snapped. He paused the movie before he yelled.

“Stop taking my popcorn!”

Jibeom only blinked at him, popped some popcorn into his mouth and chewed innocently. He looked cute with cheeks puffing out like that. But at that time, Jaehyun was too annoyed to be distracted by the cuteness.

“You have a big bag of popcorn,” Jibeom explained like he’s talking to a kid. “ And I only take a bit.”

“You took a bit, but many times!” Jaehyun said hotly. “And if it’s accumulated.. It’ll be half of my popcorn!”

“Jaehyun.. You’re exaggerating. It’s only popcorn.”

“I still have..” He checked the timer in DVD player, “1 hour and 35 minutes left for this movie. I need a lot of popcorn.”

“You still have the choco chips vanilla ice cream I bought for you yesterday.”

“That’s for the next movie!”

Jibeom made a face and Jaehyun sighed. So much for a quiet peaceful movie night.

“Why haven’t you leave yet? What time is you appointment?”

“It’s still at 6.”

“Jibeom, it’s 5.45. Leave now before you’re late.”

“If they say 6, it means we’ll start at 6.30 or even 7. There’s still plenty of time.”

_There’s still plenty of time to finish my popcorn. Urgh._

“Fine. But don’t eat my popcorn.”

He was about to continue watching when Jibeom leaned his body towards him and hugged him from the side, burying his face to his neck. It felt comfortable but a bit ticklish at the same time.

“Why didn’t you stop me from leaving hm?” He murmured against Jaehyun’s neck. “Truthfully I’m a bit lazy to go out today.”

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. He patted Jibeom’s head with his clean hand. “What’s going on? Are you sick?”

“No, I just feel like spending time with you today.”

“Then leave and go home early.”

Jibeom peeked from his neck and showed a pitiful expression.

“Jaehyun, tell me to stay.”

“What? Jibeom, you’re acting strange. It creeps me up. Just go and have fun,” He pushed the man with his elbow and foot. Jibeom whined.

“Then why don’t you come with me? Jangjun will be there. You like him.”

“I want to watch my movie.”

“Donghan will be there too,” Jibeom said and Jaehyun felt his heart stopped for a fraction. He could see Jibeom’s smug face and it made him fumed. But of course after living together with Jibeom for 2 years, he knew how to handle it.

Calmly, he took his phone and pretended to dial a number. His eyed Jibeom with a smirk, laughing inside when he saw Jibeom’s smug face morphed into confusion.

“Oh, Youngtaek hyung. Yeah. Are you free tonight?” 

Jibeom sent him disbelieve look it almost made him laugh. 

“Yeah, Jibeomie is going to meet his friends and I’m having movie marathon, but I feel kinda lonely.. So, maybe I thought if you can come here, we can have fun. I have popcorn and ice cream here.. oh and cola-“

He hadn’t finished his sentence yet, but Jibeom snatched the phone from his hand.

“Youngtaek hyung, pretend Jaehyun didn’t call you and don’t come here.”

Jibeom was going to press the end call button when he realized Jaehyun had tricked him. “What the hell was that? And you’ll really let Youngtaek hyung eat your popcorn you forbid me to eat and eat the ice cream I bought for you with my money?”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “It’s just an act. And if you’re triggered like this then don’t tease me with your Donghan hyung.”

Jibeom still had the audacity to pout. “Since when you become sly.”

Jaehyun laughed. “Stop it, just go.”

Sighing, Jibeom put his phone back on the table and gave his lover a sweet kiss. 

“I’m going.”

Jaehyun smiled. “I’ll wait for you, don’t go home too late.”

Jibeom smiled back and gave him another light peck.

“Sir yes sir.”

*****

Jaehyun was suddenly woken up by a loud shriek and a loud thumping sound. 

He jerked up. Under the dim light, his eyes immediately spotted Jibeom crouching on the floor beside the sofa while covering his ears and closing his eyes. He looked around to find the cause and chuckled when the TV screen showing a ghost with long black hair crawling in creepy manner.

He immediately searched for the remote to stop the video and turned on the lamp.

“Open your eyes, I’ve turned it off,” He hugged Jibeom and laughed. “You’re such a big baby.”

Jibeom peeked over his shoulder in caution and finally sighed after he saw the blank TV screen. His body was slumped in relief.

“Oh god, how could you watch horror movie alone in the dark?” He complained. “I almost had heart attack! You know I was going to put you back to bed when suddenly the ghost appear of nowhere!”

Still laughing, Jaehyun helped Jibeom up. “It’s just a movie, why are you so scared.”

Jibeom looked at him with his big eyes, he looked cute. “I can’t believe you. I don’t think I can sleep tonight.”

Jaehyun checked the clock. It’s eleven. He smiled. “You went home before midnight.”

“I promised you I’ll go home early right.”

Jibeom looked proud and Jaehyun felt his heart fluttered. 

“But it’s still late,” He pretended to be disappointed and suddenly jumped onto Jibeom’s back, forcing Jibeom to piggyback him.

Jibeom staggered because of the sudden weight on his back but he quickly regained his balance. 

“Okay, I’m wrong. So what does my princess want? This servant will do it all.”

Jaehyun slapped his chest but pretended to play along. “Take me to the bed. I want to sleep.”

“Your wish is my comment!”

They were both laughing until they reached the bedroom and plopped down on the soft mattress. Jibeom suddenly attacked him with kisses on his lips and neck. He returned the favor and let himself being carried away with the kisses until he felt Jibeom’s hand sneaked under and caress his thigh.

“Jibeom, stop.”

Jibeom didn’t immediately stop so he had to push him a bit.

“Jibeom.. Not now.”

Jibeom whined and finally stop. “Why?”

“You have to wake up early tomorrow to pick dad up remember?”

Jibeom looked at him blankly before he groaned and dropped his body on the bed beside his lover.

“I almost forget about it.”

“You whined about it for the whole week and you can’t remember now?”

Jibeom leaned to the side and gave him a serious look. “Do you really have to attend the meeting tomorrow? Come on, it’s Sunday.”

“Yeah, it’s really important. I won’t be long, 4 hours max,” He rubbed Jibeom’s cheeks softly.

Jibeom looked weary but nodded. “Can’t be helped then. Remember, if I suddenly disappear, ask your dad where he hides my deceased body.”

Jaehyun laughed and gave Jibeom a huge bear hug. It’s comfortable.

“Stop with the negativity. Dad likes you.”

“Yeah, I can feel it through the dagger flew from his eyes when he stares at me.”

“A few years ago, yes. But not now. He likes you. Really! He told me you’re cute.”

Jibeom looked at him in disbelieve. “He thinks I’m cute?”

“Yeah, he said that after that time when you tripped on your own shoelace and fell hard on the floor.”

“See! He’s just happy to see me in misfortune!”

Jaehyun laughed and intertwined their fingers. Their rings on their fingers rubbed against each other.

“You still have to pick him up tomorrow. Just be yourself, Jibeom. He likes you, he adores you, he’s just hesitant after the divorce.”

Jibeom knitted his brows. “I feel like walking on eggshells around him. I’ll just have to be good so it won’t be awkward while he’s staying here.”

“It’s only 2 days,” Jaehyun chuckled. “Just take him to the restaurant I told you yesterday. He loves it, he’ll love you if you take him there.”

“Are you sure? I’m so nervous especially this is the first time your dad will spend the night with us.”

“I’m super sure. It’ll be fine.”

Jibeom let out a loud tired exhale. “Alright.”

Looking at Jibeom’s still conflicted face, Jaehyun gave him a chaste kiss as an encouragement.

“You’ll do great. I can count of you right?”

Jibeom’s sullen face turned soft.

“Yes, of course you can.”

*****


End file.
